Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
