I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
