I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
