White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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