so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
