Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
