so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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