I bet he comes in French.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
