bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
