I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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