college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
