Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
