took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
