I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want to fling myself into the sun
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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