how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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