So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
