hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
