I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
