You're my little dorito
he puts the penis in happiness.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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