did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
