I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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