Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
