The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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