We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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