you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
