We're facebook friends in real life
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
