are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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