i jhust puked up my retainher.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
