Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
