There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
