Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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