Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
