i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
