Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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