I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize