Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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