she woke up with a sticky ear
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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