you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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