I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there's paper in my vomit.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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