I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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