So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A bitchslap is in order.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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