It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
