oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
