I'm really into asian looking animals
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
