last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
