I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
