Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
