She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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