if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
