So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
