I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
