you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
