do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
