yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
