I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
