Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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