How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
