At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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