she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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