i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
