I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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